Day 11 - feeling overwhelmed
I think of the state of being overwhelmed as a spectrum. As a child, I was overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning out my closet, rearranging my room, or having too many people at my birthday party. This usually resulted in tears, which a hug and some quality time with Mom - most of the time ending with her sensible approach to 'hard' things - typically resolved. I learned young that talking something out and making a plan usually made things less scary than they originally seemed.
What I didn't realize was what a gift it was to have that kind of support and unconditional love in my life and the grief and heartache it saved me from. As an adult, I tend to be less overwhelmed by "little things," but found myself in the middle of lots of hard things last year at this time. "Overwhelmed" then would have been an incredible understatement. I felt like I could barely breathe.
I surveyed the options - this was the first time in my life I had ever had emotions that I absolutely could not control, no matter how hard I tried - and it was the first time in my life that I understood why people self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. I found myself losing myself in television; a first for me in my adult life and something I was incredibly ashamed of. It looked innocuous from the outside (especially since so many people do that very thing every evening) and most people didn't even know it was happening at all, but I knew the underlying cause made that behavior far more insidious than it appeared on the surface.
In the past ten years or so, I've discovered that many people live in a state of being overwhelmed. Whether it's by their kids, their workload, their family or friend drama, or their commitments, I know a LOT of people who seem to walk through life harried; feeling late, behind, or like they're forgetting something; and anxious. They medicate without even realizing it, brushing their habits off as normal. And, like me, many are judging the people who go for the less innocuous options than a glass of wine (or a beer) every evening, TV every night, or chocolate as often as the feel the need. These things seem like "what everyone does," but I realized as I struggled through my own battle, that it's not too far off of being enslaved by substances that control us.
So back to the gift: having the support of people I love and who love me is an amazing, empowering thing. The beauty of human connection has saved me from greater heartache than I'm sure I can even imagine. I still get overwhelmed - that's one reason of many that my mom is on speed dial. My husband is practically an expert at talking me off cliffs - he should probably be allowed to add that to his resume. Now, the feeling is usually not about organizing closets (since I've just accepted that will never be one of my strengths and I have wonderful people in my life that excel in this area and will do it for me if I ask), but sometimes the things that send me over the edge are still just as silly - going through boxes to purge for the fifth time in two years, getting asked to do three different things for the same project at work, and having deadlines or externally set objectives that collide with my insecurities can all make me feel like I'm over my head.
And then I typically shut down - or cry; sometimes it seems like not much has changed. Except that now, with over 25 years of experience in this department, I've begun to develop some healthy patterns and coping skills (thank goodness). It took a few years of being married, but I've gotten much, much better at asking for help when I need it. It's not all on me (whatever 'it' is) and I have people in my life who love me and are available to me and want to help. And if it's beyond even them, I'm finally developing the humility to ask for help even beyond my normal circle - to do things differently so I can have different results.
These experiences and lessons learned have made me keen to be aware of when other people are hurting; to learn how better to reach out when things seem off without making them feel involuntarily exposed and vulnerable. I want to be the kind of person that those I love can absolutely count on when they need to verbally process or make a plan or just cry - to give back the beautiful, unconditional love-without-judgment that I myself have received. I think it's called agape.
I think of the state of being overwhelmed as a spectrum. As a child, I was overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning out my closet, rearranging my room, or having too many people at my birthday party. This usually resulted in tears, which a hug and some quality time with Mom - most of the time ending with her sensible approach to 'hard' things - typically resolved. I learned young that talking something out and making a plan usually made things less scary than they originally seemed.
What I didn't realize was what a gift it was to have that kind of support and unconditional love in my life and the grief and heartache it saved me from. As an adult, I tend to be less overwhelmed by "little things," but found myself in the middle of lots of hard things last year at this time. "Overwhelmed" then would have been an incredible understatement. I felt like I could barely breathe.
I surveyed the options - this was the first time in my life I had ever had emotions that I absolutely could not control, no matter how hard I tried - and it was the first time in my life that I understood why people self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. I found myself losing myself in television; a first for me in my adult life and something I was incredibly ashamed of. It looked innocuous from the outside (especially since so many people do that very thing every evening) and most people didn't even know it was happening at all, but I knew the underlying cause made that behavior far more insidious than it appeared on the surface.
In the past ten years or so, I've discovered that many people live in a state of being overwhelmed. Whether it's by their kids, their workload, their family or friend drama, or their commitments, I know a LOT of people who seem to walk through life harried; feeling late, behind, or like they're forgetting something; and anxious. They medicate without even realizing it, brushing their habits off as normal. And, like me, many are judging the people who go for the less innocuous options than a glass of wine (or a beer) every evening, TV every night, or chocolate as often as the feel the need. These things seem like "what everyone does," but I realized as I struggled through my own battle, that it's not too far off of being enslaved by substances that control us.
So back to the gift: having the support of people I love and who love me is an amazing, empowering thing. The beauty of human connection has saved me from greater heartache than I'm sure I can even imagine. I still get overwhelmed - that's one reason of many that my mom is on speed dial. My husband is practically an expert at talking me off cliffs - he should probably be allowed to add that to his resume. Now, the feeling is usually not about organizing closets (since I've just accepted that will never be one of my strengths and I have wonderful people in my life that excel in this area and will do it for me if I ask), but sometimes the things that send me over the edge are still just as silly - going through boxes to purge for the fifth time in two years, getting asked to do three different things for the same project at work, and having deadlines or externally set objectives that collide with my insecurities can all make me feel like I'm over my head.
And then I typically shut down - or cry; sometimes it seems like not much has changed. Except that now, with over 25 years of experience in this department, I've begun to develop some healthy patterns and coping skills (thank goodness). It took a few years of being married, but I've gotten much, much better at asking for help when I need it. It's not all on me (whatever 'it' is) and I have people in my life who love me and are available to me and want to help. And if it's beyond even them, I'm finally developing the humility to ask for help even beyond my normal circle - to do things differently so I can have different results.
These experiences and lessons learned have made me keen to be aware of when other people are hurting; to learn how better to reach out when things seem off without making them feel involuntarily exposed and vulnerable. I want to be the kind of person that those I love can absolutely count on when they need to verbally process or make a plan or just cry - to give back the beautiful, unconditional love-without-judgment that I myself have received. I think it's called agape.
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